Tuesday, October 5, 2010

the color pink

wow, glee...wow. i was ready to write a whole "my favorite things" posting going into favorite songs, food, etc...but then i watched glee...and wow. this week was worse than any episode of Full House- and let me tell you, i can cry with the best of them when Uncle Jesse (oh, yea John Stamos, i've loved you since this moment) takes the framed picture of the pink bunny wall paper from his room in the house when he moves into Becki's house- to remember Michelle, because she generously gave up her room for him to stay.

so tonight's glee was about kurt's dad having a heart attack and almost dying...how the glee group all found a form of religion to help themselves- and eventually kurt- cope with the near loss...kurt went into how his dad was all he had when he lost his mother and then went into a beatles song "i want to hold your hand". This is the most moving version i've heard of this song...I'm sure I cried because it was a moving show with all of his friends gathering around him and pulling him through a tough time- but I think it also had a lot to do with how it is paralleling my life- how all i wanted after i lost my mom was to make sure i always had my dad *and of course, jessica- because, duh- where would i be without her* and that he would always hold my hand. 

Honestly, after i lost my mom i lost a lot of hope and faith in God- at points questioning whether or not he even exists- and i'm still not sure where i stand on the whole thing. Out of reversal to what i've been fed my whole life, i've chosen to believe in God- and i'm just PISSED at him. in the last five years he has taken my mom, grandfather, and a man who loved my cousin to her core. so for kurt to question his religion and flat out deny there is a god made me sad because that might really be how i feel- and i felt sorry for kurt, so do i feel sorry for myself? *these questions are not even close to being answered- check in later*

I lost my mother to breast cancer- hence the pink- and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss her, wish she was here, or want to call her and tell her something. She was my best friend (and I guess, still is) and there are still a million questions I want her opinion on...I'm thankful for my sister, who is the parts of my mom that I'm not- I think between the two of us we can piece together all of the answers we'll need...

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